The universe dropped me

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The universe is awesome and all, but ya know? It’s dropped me a few times, and there was no net to catch me. Just spinning in the vacuum of the abyss. Total utter nothingness. And preferable to the pain. Worse yet, the universe dropped my loved ones. That was unacceptable, the pain unbearable. Unbearable is pain that cannot be endured. The kind of pain that kills you. I know that pain. I died.

Someone stumble across my body and recognized me. I was born again, and the universe took notice once more.

People who don’t get it, don’t get, that they don’t get it! So that means I shouldn’t be irritated when they spout off how I need to hang on to my happy thought, my destiny, and the universe will magnify all good and abundance and riches and opportunity toward me.

That really works well for some people. Until it doesn’t. And when it doesn’t work, it REALLY doesn’t work. All you want it do is let go of that stupid happy thought that seems to have brought all hell your way! Yep, I was there. I know.

And I’m suspicious of happy thoughts. I’m suspicious of those who preach it. I’m suspicious of the universe that can reorganize and rearrange my world in a split second.

Yes yes, matter cannot be created or destroyed. That is very nice. But the universe does not re-wind, and matter reorganized is lost to my recognition. I’ll never have it back. No amount of good thoughts will bring me back my peace, my son, my home, my children’s innocence, my financial security, my faith. I can move forward. I can live in the present, and my history becomes the part of the beating rhythm of my drum. And in that beat, there is a pause. The pause of when the universe dropped me.

No, this is NOT a depressing post! I’m doing better, feeling better, happy even, But it doesn’t change what once was, and how it changed me. So now I laugh when people who don’t get it profess their platitudes. I shake my head and wonder what it’s like to not know. It’s a little bit sweet. But it creates this boundary, this area where we cannot touch, cannot join. It’s just a little bit lonely.

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